I’m Sorry I’ve been Silent

I’m sorry I have been silent these past 7 months.

If only you could see all the places my heart has been in these 7 months.

Transition can be devastating. And exciting. And stressful. And perspective shifting. And uncontrollable. And lovely. 

My first 3 of the 7 were devastating. I felt broken. I felt like a failure. I felt ignorant.

I spent 3 months in pure survival mode. Survival mode for me is a spiral of anxiety-caused “doing.” For 3 months, I was unable to truly rest. From starting a new job, subletting an apartment, finding new roommates, preparing for a week-long support raising trip, finding and moving into a house, and processing the past 9 months of my time in CGA, rest was almost non-existent.

You’d think after all of the time I’ve spent going through counseling, reading books, gleaning wisdom from people around me, spending time with Abba, I would know that rest is one of the most important things for me. But, lessons aren’t wasted if you learn from them.

I’ve had this new blog address for 7 months. Adventures in Missions gave it to me when I went on staff. For 7 months, I’ve been silent and told no one of my new address.

I don’t know why I’ve been silent. 

Maybe it’s because there weren’t any words. More likely it’s because there were too many words. So many things have happened in my past 7 months. So many things have happened in the world’s past 7 months. Bombings, hurricanes, monsoons, rebuildings, Bible translations, a new US President, new laws, protests, new puppy videos, and so many other things. And then there’s all the things in my heart that have happened. 

It seemed too big a task to talk about the small handful of things when they first came up, but that was 6 months ago. 6 months later, I have a huge pile of things that have happened in my life. The task of updating was daunting. So I chose silence.

It’s not wise because the Lord gave me this outlet for a reason. I stopped using it. It was no longer convenient and I had too many other things to do.

I love writing. I love sharing what God is doing and how He is showing me more of Himself.

Please accept my apology for selfishly keeping my mouth shut in inconvenience.

I won’t be living that way anymore.